I’ve been working at my meditation for about three weeks now. And I say working on because I don’t know that I can really say I’m meditating. This is how my sessions go: After I put the kids down for their naps in the afternoon, I go to the same chair in my living room. It is near a large window, so the space is comfortably lit by sun. The house is quiet. I sit comfortably, but upright so I don’t fall asleep. I close my eyes. Then, starting with my toes and I flex my muscles and then relax them. I flex my calves and relax them. I move up my body, flexing each muscle group, until I’m physically relaxed.
It’s a great start, right? But I wish I could flex and relax my brain as easily as I can shrug some of the stress out of my shoulders. It seems like when everything else is quiet is when the chatter inside my head turns up the volume. I am able to sit still. I don’t even fidget. But my mind bounces all over the place. I knew this would happen. My to do list grows. A recap of my morning plays. Dreams and plans for next week take form. It seems I think about everything. A clear mind seems impossible. So I sit still and try try to calm my thoughts for what feels like a long time or until I feel like I have do move to get something done. (It’s usually right around 10 minutes.) And then I get up and on with my day.
It’s clear my meditation isn’t close to perfect. But I have noticed this. When I stand up, I am more refreshed. A little more energized. While I might not feel the mind cleansing powers that some people talk about when they talk about meditation, I do know that physically I feel better. That lets me know that I’ve spent 10 minutes doing something right.