I found a new job. I’m officially a work at home mom. I was contracted by the JIMessenger to be their art director, graphic designer, brander, web guru. And I love how all of my skills are colliding in one place. And I love that the paper’s owner/publisher and editors respect what I’m bringing to the 16 pages we publish each week. I love the way I’m flexing my muscles and creativity in a new and exciting way that I haven’t in too long. It’s exhilarating.
But it’s also been a bumpy transition. My new job is a commitment. And it’s a commitment on top of my already important commitments to my family and my other roles here. It has meant a lot of late nights and early mornings. I’ve been juggling, spinning, slipping, regrasping, and clutching, trying to keep it all together, trying to still maintain.
It’s hard, yo.
And something had to give, and unfortunately it was this space. You probably noticed I was missing. I know you were checking on me. Thank you for that. And thank you for reaching out to find out if I was okay, where I was, would I ever write again. Would the blog see daylight again.
Last week I realized that I needed this space. I need my elbow room to reach forward and up. To splay my fingers in the sunshine and feel like myself again. But the thought of taking more time away from my kiddos who just want to snuggle on the couch or play back yard hide-and-seek made my shoulders tense. And to take more time from my already sparse sleep schedule made my breath stop.
In that shallow breath second, when my heart beat faster and my palms sweat, when my face starts to turn red and ache, I knew I needed this more than I ever realized.
I needed a 30 Day challenge to realign my stars. To set myself straight and forward again. I need 30 Days to get my brain back focused and put myself first.
So for these 30 Days, I will be working to find my breath again. To find out how breathing in and out, in and out will support my family, my job, my body, my universe. I will learn to breathe again so that I can know peace in the crazy, feel strength stir inside of me, and to feel awake instead of absent.
I’m learning to breathe again, for the first time. And that’s a good first step.